accept your feelings. good, bad, and ugly.

When I read The Secret some years back, I decided to experiment with the teachings of the book. For one week, I would not allow myself any negative thoughts. I would be positive, grateful and happy. After couple of days, I got the worst headache ever. It really felt that my head was going to explode, and this headache lasted 48 hours. I wondered weather the headache had anything to do with my experiment. Weather I had so many negative thoughts, that just needed to get out of my head!

Today I have no doubt, that the headache actually came from my experiment. And from not doing it right. In my experience, denial and resistance do not work. You need to accept you feelings: good, bad and ugly. Then you can let go of them, and replace them with something more beautiful and positive.

When I realize that I am on a negativity spiral, the first thing I do is to look at my negative thoughts and feelings. I try to observe what is going on in my head and my body without judging. I accept all those negative feelings. I love them. I am thankful for them, because I can learn from them. Then let go of them. Not forcing anything. But just tell those thoughts, thanks but you are not useful for me at the moment. You can go now;) When some of this negativity has left my body, I replace it by thinking of something positive or imagine positive and healing energy flowing into the space that was occupied by all those negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I write things down that I am thankful for. There is always something. It can be silly, and it can be trivial. But it can still get you off the negativity spiral and on the posirivity spiral.

While I feel happier on average since starting the happiness project, I also feel that the lower points have become more difficult. It is as if I've let go of some protective armour, and now the negative thoughts and bad feelings touch me at my innermost core. I think that part of it has to do with responsibility. Before, I was blaming people and situations for my unhappiness, probably more than I realized. Realizing that your happiness is 99% up to you and your attitude is empowering, but at the same time it can create a feeling of shame and blame. There is also added disappointment, when you are really working on your happiness, trying your best, but still fail at times...

But fortunately, I feel that I am also better equipped to deal with these low spirits today than I was before...

I am very curious to hear weather other people on the quest for a happier life have similar experiences with negative thoughts, and how they deal with them???

February: wrap up

The main goal of February was to love infinitely and unconditionally....my husband, family, friends, everyone...and maybe most importantly myself.

I focused on love, the heart chakra, thought about love, meditated on love...

During these last few months I've become much more aware of the self-talk that constantly goes on in my head. And it often amazes me that I've been living with this, often very negative voice, for so long without paying attention. Without challenging it.

By focusing on unconditional love, I realized how much self-hatred I've been carrying around. If someone had asked me a few monts ago whether I experienced self-hatred, I would have said no. I didn't realize, I wasn't aware. But although it subtle, this voice that constantly tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I can't do this, I don't deserve that....it has a big impact on who I am and what I do. I think that this voice of negativity is already getting weaker. But I still need to practice and strengthen my positive self talk.

I am learning and I am growing. I am 33, which somedays feels old, and other days feels young. I wish I had gone through my teens and 20s with more confidence, and that I had found more peace and balance earlier in life. But as Bikram puts it: "You're never too fat, you're never too old, never too sick; and, it's never too late to start...":)

Although I have been neglecting the blog, it is super important to me and my project. And I really LOVE reading the other "happiness" blogs. It is so unbelievably inspiring to read the stories of people who are on similar paths.

So I think it is appropriate to end the month of impeccable love by sending my love and gratitude to my readers, and fellow bloggers ♥

February: Impeccable Love

This month I am focusing on love and kindness.

Marriage: With two young children (I use them as an excuse for everything;)) it is easy to forget to nurture and take care of the relationship with your spouse. The goal for this month is more hugs, more kisses, more talking. Perhaps even a date.

Everyone: Love and accept everyone as they are. Put more love into all relationships, all interactions with other people, love unconditionally. Do random acts of kindness.

Myself: Love and accept myself as I am. As Ashley puts it: "Loving yourself is the key to loving others." This is something I've been working on for a while, and I know that I still need to put effort in here. I think that this list of "How to Love Yourself in 17 Ways" is a great inspiration.

January: wrap-up

January was a bit chaotic, and things did not always go as planned. But that's life, and when I look at my goals for January, I actually think that I did quite well.
I....

• made meditation part of my daily routine
• wrote in my journal almost every day
• read again about the 1st Habit in Covey's 7 habits, although I didn't and blog about it
• wrote a blog post on the Now Habit
• re-established my exercise routine, practicing yoga for 10-15 minutes every morning (including the wide-legged forward bend), and 2x a week I do longer workouts with push-ups, sit-ups etc.
• improved my diet. I tried one week of mindful eating which definitely helped me to eat better. My eating habits are far from perfect, I have a weakness for lattes and croissants....but I've been indulging less and less and instead I've been eating more fruits and veggies.

What is left is to define my health goals, and do more random acts of kindness. I am sure I will get to that at some point:)

Overall, I am very happy about the progress I made in January. I've been more proactive, and have become better at standing up for myself when needed. I have also been more present, more in the "now", than usual...and I believe that is one of the keys to live a happier, more meaningful life.

In February I am focusing on love, marriage and kindness:)