New Happiness Project

It is time to start a new project.

March: Positivity
April: Balance
Mai: Energy
June: Exercise/Motion
July: Listening/Awareness
August: Courage/Vulnerability
September: Clarity/Simplicity
October: Harmony/Home/Family
November: Passion
December: Consciousness/Mindfulness/Nutrition
January:Rest/Slowing Down
February: Back to Basics: Positivity.

To stay positive in March I will return to my gratitude journal, and meditate every day. I am also going to focus on my language, on being positive and proactive in the way I talk to myself and others:)

/d

accept your feelings. good, bad, and ugly.

When I read The Secret some years back, I decided to experiment with the teachings of the book. For one week, I would not allow myself any negative thoughts. I would be positive, grateful and happy. After couple of days, I got the worst headache ever. It really felt that my head was going to explode, and this headache lasted 48 hours. I wondered weather the headache had anything to do with my experiment. Weather I had so many negative thoughts, that just needed to get out of my head!

Today I have no doubt, that the headache actually came from my experiment. And from not doing it right. In my experience, denial and resistance do not work. You need to accept you feelings: good, bad and ugly. Then you can let go of them, and replace them with something more beautiful and positive.

When I realize that I am on a negativity spiral, the first thing I do is to look at my negative thoughts and feelings. I try to observe what is going on in my head and my body without judging. I accept all those negative feelings. I love them. I am thankful for them, because I can learn from them. Then let go of them. Not forcing anything. But just tell those thoughts, thanks but you are not useful for me at the moment. You can go now;) When some of this negativity has left my body, I replace it by thinking of something positive or imagine positive and healing energy flowing into the space that was occupied by all those negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I write things down that I am thankful for. There is always something. It can be silly, and it can be trivial. But it can still get you off the negativity spiral and on the posirivity spiral.

While I feel happier on average since starting the happiness project, I also feel that the lower points have become more difficult. It is as if I've let go of some protective armour, and now the negative thoughts and bad feelings touch me at my innermost core. I think that part of it has to do with responsibility. Before, I was blaming people and situations for my unhappiness, probably more than I realized. Realizing that your happiness is 99% up to you and your attitude is empowering, but at the same time it can create a feeling of shame and blame. There is also added disappointment, when you are really working on your happiness, trying your best, but still fail at times...

But fortunately, I feel that I am also better equipped to deal with these low spirits today than I was before...

I am very curious to hear weather other people on the quest for a happier life have similar experiences with negative thoughts, and how they deal with them???

recipe for success?

When thinking about my goals and how to reach them, I find it inspiring to look at all the wonderfully successful people around me. I have a friend who recently reached her goal of shedding 40 pounds in 6 months (by exercising and eating healthy). I know so many people who have set out to loose weight but given up half-way through. So what made her succeed?

• Positivity. She is in general a very happy, positive person. During the whole process she has focused more on the benefits of her changed lifestyle rather than the difficulties. I.e. she focused on how much better she felt, and looked, rather than on that ice-cream and chocolate she had given up, to reach her goal.
  
• Goals. She set her self a clear goal, with smaller goals to celebrate along the way.
  
• Babysteps. She didn't try to change all of her bad habits in a day or two. In the beginning she only focused on improving her eating habits. Then she gradually started exercising.
  
• Resilience. Like most of us, she had her weak moments. The key to success is getting back on track rather than loosing oneself in self-pity and despair.
  
• Role-model and/or support. One of her friends had recently succeeded in reaching a similar goal. This friend was both her role-model and support throughout the process.
  
• Internal Drive. She was fed up, and wanted to loose weight for her own well being. I think this is essential and that it is difficult, perhaps almost impossible, to reach your goal if it is only motivated by what you think you should do.

Are there other factors that you consider important ingredients in the recipe for success?

Have a wonderful weekend! /Di.

May: Impeccable Faith

hello! it's been a while...

Although I've continued to think about and work toward my goals in the last few weeks, it has been a little bit unfocused and disorganized. I am inherently a rather chaotic person, so I think that in some sense I needed a break from resolutions, goals, to-do lists, etc. But although I accept that I am a bit chaotic by nature, the chaos in my life has grown out of control, and I need to (and want to) continue my journey to a simpler and happier life...

So now I am back to blogging and making resolutions charts:)

May is the 12th month of my project. I am going to use this month to reduce the chaos, to find more peace and serenity in my life. I also want to focus on faith. For the next 30 days I am going to have faith that things are as they are supposed to be, I will let go of the need to control all things in my life. I'll to have faith in myself and in my abilities, and I am going to believe that I am able to reach the goals that I set for myself.

Instead of introducing new resolutions, I decided to look back, and focus on the resolutions that helped me finding peace and happiness in the last 11 months. So this month I will:

• go to bed before 10pm
• read
• meditate everyday
• do yoga everyday
• keep gratitude journal
• drink plenty of water and herbal tea
• keep my nightstand uncluttered
• have faith

I am happy to be back:)
luv, Di.

February: wrap up

The main goal of February was to love infinitely and unconditionally....my husband, family, friends, everyone...and maybe most importantly myself.

I focused on love, the heart chakra, thought about love, meditated on love...

During these last few months I've become much more aware of the self-talk that constantly goes on in my head. And it often amazes me that I've been living with this, often very negative voice, for so long without paying attention. Without challenging it.

By focusing on unconditional love, I realized how much self-hatred I've been carrying around. If someone had asked me a few monts ago whether I experienced self-hatred, I would have said no. I didn't realize, I wasn't aware. But although it subtle, this voice that constantly tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I can't do this, I don't deserve that....it has a big impact on who I am and what I do. I think that this voice of negativity is already getting weaker. But I still need to practice and strengthen my positive self talk.

I am learning and I am growing. I am 33, which somedays feels old, and other days feels young. I wish I had gone through my teens and 20s with more confidence, and that I had found more peace and balance earlier in life. But as Bikram puts it: "You're never too fat, you're never too old, never too sick; and, it's never too late to start...":)

Although I have been neglecting the blog, it is super important to me and my project. And I really LOVE reading the other "happiness" blogs. It is so unbelievably inspiring to read the stories of people who are on similar paths.

So I think it is appropriate to end the month of impeccable love by sending my love and gratitude to my readers, and fellow bloggers ♥

2012

In 2012 I completed a chapter, and started a new one. I finished my ph.d. and got a job. It was an end of an era. I learned so much in the last few years, and at times I really felt that I was pushed to my limits and way out of my comfort zone. I was also stressed and had no sense of peace or balance as many areas of my life and personality were heavily neglected. After I could close this chapter, I really felt that I needed to reinvent myself. I needed to work on myself, my happiness, my habits and attitudes, and I needed to find better balance in my life. So I started my happiness project and I started blogging.

I've already learned a lot, and although the progress has often been slower than I would have liked, I feel like I took the most important step...that is the first step.

The Yogi Tea Quote above says "Wisdom becomes knowledge when it is personal experience". I feel like that in 2012 I have perhaps become a tiny bit wiser;) I understand better what it means that happiness comes from within, that people make their own reality, and that anything is possible. On the other hand, while anything is possible - not everything is possible at the same time. And while our personality is perhaps more malleable than many would like to believe, changing your attitudes and habits is not easy. It takes time and effort. Persistence and resilience are very valuable personal traits, and I feel like I managed to strengthen these characteristics a bit in the last 6 months.

Now I am thinking about the year ahead, what I want to accomplish. I am sure that 2013 will be an amazing year where I will find more balance and grow a lot as a person:)

Happy new year to you lovely people who visit my blog. You mean a lot to me. May 2013 be the best year ever for all of you.

/D

self-care

It's been a while.

The last few weeks I've been exhausted, overwhelmed, borderline depressed...which is disappointing considering the effort I've been putting into being happier, stronger and more positive.

But on the other hand, that happiness effort definitely helped me to deal with myself and to stop this downward spiral that I was experiencing.

Depleted, drained, exhausted, empty are words that describe how I've been feeling within. This also means that I've been vulnerable, sensitive, reactive, irritated and impatient.

At a certain point I realized that I would not only be doing myself a favor, but everyone around me as well, if I took some time where I made it my priority to take care of myself.

I went back to my journal and wrote a lot, I looked for things to be thankful for in my life, work, relationships, etc. I sought inspiration in some of the happiness and self-help books I've been reading the last few months. I've been trying to get more sleep, to take vitamins every day, to eat healthier, to meditate, to do a few minutes of yoga every morning and to exercise 3 times a week. I've taken some time to relax, just be and read.

Gradually I feel like I am getting myself together...

I'm more hopeful, and more positive at the moment. It's not a happy post, but I wanted to share this, because I think it is common and in some sense normal to get hit by minor depressions. And I think it is important to remind myself and others, that it's okay to be selfish once in a while...and that sometimes the most important thing you do is to refuel and take care of yourself.

November: back to basics

November is the sixth month of my impeccable project. I feel like now is the time to sit down, take a breath and evaluate the progress I've made so far. I want to use this month to reestablish and reinforce some of my earlier resolutions. Moreover, I want to take time to finish some unfinished projects...making space for new, more exciting ones:)

For the last couple of months I also feel like my resolution charts have grown out of control, and I have been slacking on some of my more important habits, such as my meditation practice, my gratitude journal and I've also found it difficult to find the time to sit down and write posts for this blog. However, these resolutions are the foundation to my project. The feeling of balance and happiness that comes with meditating and focusing on gratitude is truly amazing. And this blog has been so valuable to me. Writing the posts helps to keep me on track, but more importantly it has given me the opportunity to interact with and get inspiration from other bloggers on a similar journey. So...

Resolutions that I want to reiterate this month:

• meditate
• write in my gratitude jorunal
• blog at least 2x a week
• be present
• bring lunch to work (healthier and saves money)
• be proactive: focus on voice, posture, and excuses

Tasks that I want to finish in November:

• empty my email inboxes (there are currently 3756 emails that need to be processed)
• finish the blanket I'm knitting
• Christmas presents (part of my impeccable time/stop doing things last minute resolution;))

Looking back:

• June *Mind and Positivity*: In June I started meditating, writing in my gratitude journal, exercising on regular basis, and I also started this blog. I focused on happiness, and read several books on the topic. This month really was a success, and a great way to start the project. I think of this as the basis for everything, and want to continue focusing as much as I can on positivity and happiness. In the last couple of months I have been slacking in this area, and it is very important to me to get back on track...
• July *Home*: In July I focused on my home, both the apartment we live in, but also on getting to know Copenhagen a little bit better. I bought flowers, lit candles, made the bed every day, decluttered...and walked a lot arount the city. Many of the habits from this month have really stuck. I wish I was better at keeping the clutter away...but there is definitely an improvement. After some delays, I painted my children's room, and gave away four or five boxes of toys. That room looks so much better now, and the children are actually much better at playing in their room now when they have fewer toys:)
• August *Family*: This month was really important to me, as I worked on my relationship with my children. To lighten up, be more patient, be better at talking and listening. This was super successful, and our communications have really transformed. This alone has made the project worthwhile:)
• September *Work*: I wanted to use September to decrease stress, and to become more organized at work. This was not a very successful month. But hopefully some of the work I did that month will prove to be useful for progressing in the future.
• October *Time and Money*: Unfortunately I did not address my money issues at all that month. I did continue working on my relationship with time, and made some improvements. But apparently this is not an easy task for me...so this will continue to be on my agenda. In October, I also started reading the 7 habits of highly effective people. The first habit is to be more proactive, and I have been working on that with some success. That alone makes me feel like I achieved something of imporatance in October:)

Looking forward:

I've rearranged the rest of my project a bit and now the calander looks like this:
• December: Impeccable Fun and Friendship - be there, reach out, lighten up and have fun
• January: Impeccable Health and Beauty - find ways to treat myself and my body better and with more respect
• February: Impeccable Love and Marriage - be kind, have fun, love infinitely and unconditionally
• March: Impeccable Passion and Meaning - Find my passion, work on independence, and "being me", make time time for what is important
• April: Environment and Nature - find ways to enjoy nature and be kinder to the environment
• May: Bootcamp Impeccable

luv, Di.

beauty

I've been neglecting my blog - which I am not happy about. But hopefully I'll be able to give more time to it now.

This post is a super short one. Have a wonderful wonderful weekend, and check out this awesome video:

ProActivity

"The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference between night and day. I'm not talking about a 25 to 50 percent difference in effectiveness; I'm talking about 5000-plus percent difference, particularly if they are smart, aware, and sensitive to others."
-Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

One of my resolutions this month is to be more proactive, less reactive. This means thinking more about what I need, what I want, what I think. And work from there. Instead of primarily responding to external factors, other people's needs, other people's wants and other people's thoughts. Of course this does not mean that I want to be selfish and self-centered...

There was a little story in Covey's book about his daughter who had a birthday party, and didn't want to let the other kids at the party play with her gifts. While the author says he was quite upset about her behavior, he goes on to saying that perhaps she didn't want to share those toys because she hadn't had the opportunity to feel her ownership over them. And how can you share something that is not yours? I've thought about this story a lot, and how I think it relates to people's codependent behavior. Many people are constantly trying to be nice, trying to please others, trying to think about other people's needs and wants, but end up feeling frustrated and unappreciated. But this is the key. To have something to give, to be able to take care of others, we first need to feel the ownership, i.e. feel that we have something to give. We need to take care of ourselves, and then I believe, taking care of others comes very naturally to us. If we are proactive, we will not feel like other people are taking advantage, or that we are doing things just because we think that we should. We will make better decisions about when it is right to accommodate others and when it isn't. And being nice and helpful makes us feel happy, not powerless or depleted.

As with regards to time and schedule, it can be quite easy to fall into reactive mode, when life is busy and there are constant outside demands. Tasks that are urgent, but perhaps not very important for your values or long time goals, can take up most of your time. On the other hand, there are many things that are important to your values, goals and happiness, but are not exactly urgent, and hence sometimes time disappears without you doing a single thing that is REALLY important to you. The happiness project as a whole is to me a tool to deal with that. The resolution charts are making me accountable to myself, in doing things on daily basis that are consistent with my goals and values.

As I have focused on my thoughts, feelings and language in the last few days I have realized that whenever I am feeling frustrated, anxious, stressed, or angry, I am being reactive. I am making myself a victim to circumstances, to the environment and to other people's behavior. To give myself a little pat on the back...I've also realize that I have made an amazing progress in the last few months. While I still have some way to go, I can already see that I am going in the right direction and that I am not nearly as reactive in my thoughts and language as I was just 4 months ago!

I feel like I am taking a big step:) And in the next few weeks, I am going to substitute more of the I should, I must, I have to, I can't, by I can, I will, I prefer, I choose

luv,D.

The Anger Eating Demon

Here is a little story that I heard some time ago, supposedly first told by Buddha himself:

Once upon a time there was a wise king who had to leave his palace for a business trip. During the king's absence, a demon (asura) arrived, walked right into the palace and sat down on the king’s throne. Upon seeing this, the guards became afraid, but soon their fear was replaced by anger and they started shouting, "Get out of the throne, how dare you sit on the throne of our ruler? who do you think you are!" As the guards became angrier and angrier, the demon grew taller, stronger and more powerful. This continued with each insult and with each threat coming from the guards, until the demon had become so huge, he took up most of the room.

When the king returned and saw this enormous demon in his throne, he knew immediately what to do. He entered the throne room and said, "Welcome friend! How nice of you to visit me! Has anyone offered you something to eat yet? Would you like something to drink?" With the king's friendly words the demon started shrinking. And with each kind word and kind gesture it became smaller and smaller. The king continued until the demon disappeared completely, and the king was able to retake his throne.

(I've found several versions of this story, and this is how I remember hearing it. But you can read the "original" here).

When I first heard the story, I understood the message to be that we should respond to anger with kindness, but at the time I was thinking about other people's anger. When I was writing my last post, this story came back to me, and I saw that there is another way of interpreting this story. Perhaps the story is not only about other people's anger, but also about your own anger and inner demons. When you ignore or resist your demons they grow bigger, stronger and more powerful. But when you address your demons, acknowledge them, name them and embrace them...they start to shrink and to loose their power. Until at some point they dissolve and disappear completely.

More on Stress. And on Practicing the Opposite.

I don’t buy magazines often these days, and when I do they tend to be either fashion - or interior design magazines. But yesterday I was at the airport waiting for a delayed flight so I decided to visit the airport bookstore. I wanted to try something new so I grabbed a copy of the Yoga Journal. If I'd had a highlighter I think I might have highlighted the whole magazine – it’s just so in line with what I have been thinking lately. Perhaps it is true what some say, that when you are open, you’ll find that the answers you need are right in front of you….:)

In particular, there was a wonderful article titled "Untangling Anxiety" - written by Sally Kempton, a teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

Anxiety can be a powerful teacher. It can show you were you’re hiding stress or holding unprocessed emotions. It might even remind you that there’s something you need to take care of. Most important, anxiety often signals the need for growth or for some inner shift.

It’s only when you are willing to bring consciousness to your anxiety – to pay attention to the bodily sensations it brings, the thoughts that go along with it, and the situations that trigger it – that you can begin to learn from it.

…many of us tent to confuse anxiety with diligence and believe that our anxiety helps keep us safe.

One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy. This energy can be experienced as anxiety, but it can also be experienced as excitement or a feeling of being keyed up and ready for action. It can signal the necessary tension, the inner fire, that accompanies growth.

The more you can be present with that tension and work with it-even, at times, allowing it to be there without resisting it-the more your anxiety can melt into its essence.

All of our energies, even the negative ones that can be so painful and limiting, have at their core the pure energy of life.

As we resolve the issues that lock anxiety into the body and as we release the emotions and mental habits that create so much of our suffering, something radical happens. These primal negative emotions, centered in the amygdala and brainstem, start to show us their other face. They point us to the energy that yoga calls shakti-the leaping, dancing energy that can make any moment a creative moment and any experience a potential doorway to joy.

In the article the authors talks about six steps to ease anxiety (or any negative feeling you might experience):

1. Body: where is tension showing up in the body?
2. Heart: Focus on the heart, the breath and energy coming in and out of your chest.
3. Question: What about my situation is contributing to the anxiety?
4. Thoughts: Bring awareness to the thoughts running through your mind, ask yourself: can I let go of that?
5. Feelings: Tune into your emotions, and name your feelings.
6. Opposite: Summon up a feeling of warmth and pleasure. Bring something good to your heart. The Yoga Sutra calls this pratipaksha bhavana, or “practicing the opposite”- countering a negative feeling with a positive one.

Cliches are clichés for a reason, and reading on spirituality and self-help you often come across the same ideas again and again. I was happy to see how the message in this article lined up with the parenting book I am currently reading (How to Talks so Kids Will Listen...And Listen so Kids Will Talk). The book recommends dealing with your children's negative feelings in the following steps: 1. Listen, 2. Acknowledge (I can understand you’re upset that I forgot your favorite doll at home), 3. Name the Feeling (You must really miss her, I know how much you care for that doll), 4. Fantasy (Should we put on our fairy wings, fly home and get your doll???).

It's funny how I wasn't sure about that last step, until I read the article on anxiety. Then it totally made sense. Practicing the Opposite, countering negative feeling with a positive one. I love that!

I now have a post-it sticker on my desk that says: 1. body, 2. heart, 3. question, 4. thoughts, 5. feelings, 6. opposite. I also have a post it sticker at home that says: 1. Listen, 2. Acknowledge, 3. Name, 4. Fantasy. I'll be practicing this for the next couple of days, to see how it works:)

stress

“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness”
-Richard Carlson

One way to deal with stress is to try to eliminate the causes, such as leaving things until last minute, over-committing, letting clutter and to do lists get out of control. The problem with this approach is twofold. First, no matter how much you try to control things there will always be (potentially) stressful situations that arise. Secondly, it may cause you to back away from challenges and you may consequently end up stuck in a very small comfort zone.

Although I want to use this month to work on some of the bad habits that have caused stressful situations in the past...It is more important to me to realize that stress is internal, and when I manage to be present/mindful being stressed (or rather not being stressed) becomes a choice.

It feels a bit careless not to stress about the still unprepared lecture that I'll need to give in a couple of days....but getting stressed out really has NO benefits that I can think of. It is unhealthy for mind and body. It makes me really cranky, and it actually makes me unproductive-because when I am stressed I can't focus and constantly move from one thing to the next.

My challenge now is to take a deep breath every time I feel stress bubbling up - and ask myself: What is it that I am stressed about? What needs to be done? If I can, I'll do what needs to be done. If I can't, I'll just let go of the stress and anxiety that I am feeling. Focus on being relaxed, present and mindful. Less stress, more zen.

codependence

The following is list of behavioral patterns that have caused me problems and pain in the past:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
• I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
• I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
• I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
• I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
• I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

These are taken from the list "Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence." The list is quite comprehensive and I am sure most people can probably recognize themselves somewhere on the list.

Whether I am - or am not - technically defined as a codependent person, and where the causes for these patterns lie, is not really important to me. What is important to me now is to deal with these patterns.

I knew before my happiness project started, that low self-esteem was a problem. But it is really just now, as I've become more mindful of my thoughts, behavior and feelings, that I've realized how big the problem is, and how much it affects my everyday life.

So now is the time to change, time to grow, time to become happier and stronger....

my cave

When I began meditating every day I started to dream more, or perhaps I became better at remembering my dreams as I woke up. There are two things that repeatedly appear in my dreams; water and animals.

My amateurish interpretation based on those dreams, is that (for me) water represents my subconscious feelings, and animals symbolize obstacles and hindrances.

In a dream that I had about the same time as I was starting my Happiness Project, I found myself lying on a floor of a dark cave. The cave had three openings, in each opening there was a sleeping grizzly bear. Behind the bears I could see the bright blue sky, the sun, the grass...

My first thought in the dream was why I had been left in this cave, why I had to deal with this alone. How was I possibly going to get out of this situation without any help. Then I realized that the openings were quite big, and as long as I could slowly and quietly stand up, i.e. without waking up the bears, I would be able to escape.

Then I woke up.

It occurred to me later that the happiness project was about "standing up". Or at least that the first step in my project should be to about standing up; becoming stronger, more positive and more self confident. This entails working on my codependency issues. It means that I need to take better care of my self, and have more respect for myself. It means I need to accept what is, and take responsibility for what is not right in my life. It means getting rid of all the clutter, mental as well as physical. This is all gradually happening. But there is still work to do.

As I am prioritizing my tasks and resolutions for my happiness project, I am keeping this in mind. My job now is to prepare, to get ready, to make space for new goals, bigger dreams, and more happiness.

And I am excited to see what happens as I make my escape.

being here & now

Being here and now sounds so simple. Yet it is so difficult for most of us. Our mind is constantly dragging us into our past and into our future. It is making up scenarios and stories. It is obscuring the present with all these thoughts, 90% of which may be completely useless, even harmful.

The main message in Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is that we are NOT our minds. Our mind is a tool, a great tool when used wisely. But a tool that should not consume us, and not take us over completely. The mind keeps us from the present, and being present, being in the NOW is the key to enlightenment.

One of the main goals of meditating is exactly to regain the power of our minds. To be able to turn it off for a moment and experience our inner being. And in doing so, it strengthens our core, our true self, so gradually our true self doesn't get blocked out as much by our egoistic mind.

And while meditation is great, and a wonderful instrument, the ultimate goal is to find the stillness, the peace, the wisdom that you experience during meditation, in every moment of your life. We should be able to experience this whether we are working, exercising, talking, walking...but it is a muscle that needs to be trained. Tolle describes the ability to be fully in the Now as almost a shortcut to enlightenment, as it is all that you need, and it is always available to you. The problem of course is that embracing the moment is quite difficult for most people - and it takes practice.

how to be in the now?

• Meditate. I think meditation is a great first step. If you meditate regularly, even for just a few minutes every day, you will experience the peace that comes with a quiet mind - and hence you know what you are looking for in the Now.
• Watch your mind. Don't fight it, but observe it. Observe your thoughts, your negative or positive self-talk. Your stories. This is so unbelievably eye-opening.
• Exercise. Some people find inner peace when they are exercising. Perhaps if you are pushing yourself to the limit, you are forced into the Now, forced to turn off your uncontrollable mind for the time being. My own experience is quite the opposite. When I exercise, my mind is usually unstoppable. I can't stop thinking about how much I loathe exercising, how I would rather be at home drinking coffee, eating pastries and listening to Tom Waits records, how I can't go on for freakin' 10 more minutes, etc. etc. But these days as I go for a run, I try to shut my brain down. I focus on the now. Put on my running shoes, turn on my ipod, just start running. Then (and here it gets more difficult for me) as I am running, I try to focus only on the now, my breathing, my surroundings, my body, my music. Just observing, not judging.
• Listen to others. I really want to be able to listen to others fully and completely. Not be occupied with what I will say when it is my turn to talk. But just be present and listen with my whole body.
• Listen to yourself. I think it is also valuable to listen to your own voice. Any negativity, resistance, and worries that go through your mind - can be heard in your voice if you listen carefully. Stay with your voice and learn from it.
• Feel your inner body. Tolle emphasizes this in his book, and this truly leads to an amazing feeling. And an amazing realization when you discover how disconnected from your body you are most of the time. Focus on the inside, on your feelings and what happens inside your body as you get stressed, as you become joyful, anxious, excited...Feel your whole body whatever you are doing. Do this while you meditate, and then try it as you walk, as you listen, as you exercise, as you eat. Amazing.

The Power of Now is perhaps not a book for everyone. Maybe you need to be fluffy enough to enjoy it:) And at times I found the tone of the book to be slightly arrogant. But nevertheless I would recommend it for anyone who is looking for an inspiration to become more aware, more present, more in the Now. Below are a few quotes from the book that I found worth highlighting:

A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, which is the opposite of the truth.

Do what you have to do. In the meantime, accept what is.

The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life. Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the Now, have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to the past and future...

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you can find the life underneath your life situation.

It is true that only an unconscious person will try to use or manipulate others, but it is equally true that only an unconscious person can be used and manipulated.

As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out of present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.

The moment your attention turns to the Now, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don't look to it for salvation.

Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation.

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is.

If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.

You can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. Life is primary. Life is your deepest inner Being. It is already whole, complete, perfect.

The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That's all there ever is.

happy news

I was feeling a bit down after reading the newspapers this morning, most of the news being about massacres, wars, crimes, and of course the economic recession. Even the less serious and less gruesome news are often destructive and discouraging. While I want to read the news, and know what is happening in the world, I would like to balance the regular news with a few happier, more positive, and more constructive news:

It turns out there are several webpages out there devoted to happy and positive news. How wonderful! Here are some:

happy news
positive news
daily good
good news network

meditation

In June I started meditating for 10 minutes each day. The first week I found it extremely difficult to sit still, and I didn't seem to be able to quiet my mind for even a few seconds. But gradually it became easier and more pleasant. Now I meditate for 15 minutes per day and find it essential to my daily routine.

The benefits of meditation are wide-ranging. Regular meditation is e.g. associated with better sleep, lower levels of stress, lower blood pressure and increased happiness. I've come to think that meditating is to our mind what exercise is to our body: necessary.

On a personal level, I have found that the meditation has increased my awareness, my focus, and helped me to stay more present. But there is also something that I can't quite put in words, some sense of self-knowledge and well-being that is difficult to describe.

Just as people can choose from limitless ways to exercise, there are also various ways to meditate and one needs to experiment a bit to find out what works and what doesn't. Here is some advise that I have found useful so far:

Work with your schedule.
In a perfect world, I would meditate at dawn and dusk in a beautiful setting. I would sit on a nice pillow in comfortable clothing, perhaps light a candle. I would be alone, it would be quiet. However I am almost never home alone, my kids wake up at dawn, and I collapse to bed at dusk. When I do have the opportunity to meditate at home, I really do love to sit in a lotus position on my yoga mat. But most days I meditate at work. I am lucky to have an office, where I can just close the door for 15 minutes. I sit on my office chair, close my eyes and meditate.

Find your anchor.
The purpose of your anchor is to keep your mind focused, and bring it back when it starts to wander. The anchor can be vocal (e.g. mantra chanting, praying), visual (e.g. a candle light, a mandala, a religious icon), or it can be as simple as counting your breaths (silently). I mainly use my breath as my anchor. I count my breaths to 10, then start again, until I feel that I do not need to anymore. It is important not to be too attached to your anchor. The purpose of the meditation is to still the mind, not to count your breaths. When your mind is still you can stop counting. If it starts wondering, you start counting again. Another thing that I have used, is to focus on the so called chakras or energy centers of the body. This may not appeal to everyone. But interestingly it has made me much more aware of the physical aspect of my feelings. How it physically feels to be stressed, happy, anxious, etc. I focus on each chakra for a few breaths, starting with the lowest one and then move up to the next one. When I have focused on all the chakras, my mind us usually able to stay still for some time.

Be gentle.
Breath gently. Get into your meditation gently, stop gently. If you start daydreaming, or fidgeting, gently bring your mind back to meditating.

Be still.
I think there is a disparity between different traditions in the emphasis on stillness while meditating. But I find it very important for my own meditation experience to stay as physically still as possible.

No expectations.
It is important to sit down with an open mind and no expectations. The experience varies a lot. Some days it is easy to sit still and quiet the mind, other days it seems impossible. Some days the experience is very spiritual, other days not so much. It is a journey of ups and downs. There are days where meditating has brought something difficult to my attention, some feelings or memories that I have intentionally tried not to focus on. But that is part of growing, part of the benefits.

Smile.
Smile (gently;)) while meditating. It brings you a sense of peace and happiness.

Eat and drink.
Try not to meditate right after a meal, or when you are too hungry. And avoid caffeine just before meditating. Have a sip of water before you start.

Resources: For meditation beginners like myself I would recommend the following resources:

• The Meditation Bible: A Definitive Guide to Meditations for Every Purpose
• Meditation to Go: Learn to Relax, De-stress, Find Peace of Mind
• Zencast's Dharma talks and introduction to meditation
• Zencast's meditation timers

happy meditating.
namaste.

Last week of Impeccable Mind: Don't worry, be happy

The last week of June is about to start, and today I am starting my positivity challenge, i.e. for 7 days I will try to my best to speak only positively and fill my mind with only positive thoughts.

• When negative thoughts and emotions come up, I will accept them but move on. In particular these thoughts should not be allowed to spiral into more and more negativity.
• Pause before reacting. Our reactions are on auto-pilot most of the time. We react to situations and thoughts in a similar way as we have done in the past. I want to become more aware of this and take control over my reaction where it is needed.
• Replace my negative self talk with positive self talk. I especially notice my negativity voice when I want to exercise. As soon as I wake up my mind starts making up excuses as to why I should not bother to exercise, how I may as well do it tomorrow, because tomorrow I will probably not be tired, it will probably not be raining, etc. etc.
• Smile more. Smile when I wake up - Smile before I go to sleep.
• Talk positively: No complaining, no gossiping, and no dumping.
• Be more cheerful. In the words of one-hit-wonder Bobby McFerrin: In every life we have some trouble, When you worry you make it double, Don't worry, be happy......
• Find positive role models
• Get more rest: Be in bed before 10:30 pm. But also stop thinking so much about how tired I am! It just makes me more tired!
• Exercise 3 times! This was a resolution for June. And I am happy that I have started exercising again. But it still takes a lot of effort, and I haven't managed to make it to 3 work out sessions per week yet. But this week I will! I actually already went out running this morning. So 1 down, 2 to go.
• Prepare my mornings. I think it is important to start your day on the right foot. And with 2 small children, the mornings can become a bit chaotic. So this week I will take 10-15 minutes in the evening, to prepare my mornings. For example make the lunch boxes, pick out clothes for everyone, clear the kitchen table, etc.

my comfort zone

I've been feeling extremely happy in the last few days, but at the same time quite restless. Although I am more content with my life as it is, my happiness is giving me the energy and courage to experience something new, and to expand my comfort zone in some way. But I am not quite sure yet what to do with this energy. As I was thinking about this earlier today, I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and made a list of ideas for expanding my cozy little comfort zone:

• talk to strangers
• start drawing/painting again
• bring out my inner hippie
• paint a room in my apartment
• have a big fancy dinner party
• cut my hair short
• chant while meditating
• be fit
• be successful
• have enough money
• call instead of emailing

I wrote these down as they entered my mind, and some of those were quite surprising to me. Such as "be fit" or "be successful". I am not unsuccessful at what I do, but I know that I have more potential in me. Do I really choose not to be too successful? Reading through the list I also realized just how small my comfort zone has become. It is amazing to think that it is actually somewhat stressful for me to organize a nice dinner party or to choose a color and paint a wall in my apartment. It is my counter-productive perfectionism, my fear of rejection, my fear of mistakes that are defining that tiny zone of comfort. I am going to change that, and each month I am going to have a task and/or a resolution that moves me at least slightly out of that little box.

I would also love to hear what other people do to expand their comfort zones?

One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again. -Abraham Maslow

I am ready to grow:)