accept your feelings. good, bad, and ugly.

When I read The Secret some years back, I decided to experiment with the teachings of the book. For one week, I would not allow myself any negative thoughts. I would be positive, grateful and happy. After couple of days, I got the worst headache ever. It really felt that my head was going to explode, and this headache lasted 48 hours. I wondered weather the headache had anything to do with my experiment. Weather I had so many negative thoughts, that just needed to get out of my head!

Today I have no doubt, that the headache actually came from my experiment. And from not doing it right. In my experience, denial and resistance do not work. You need to accept you feelings: good, bad and ugly. Then you can let go of them, and replace them with something more beautiful and positive.

When I realize that I am on a negativity spiral, the first thing I do is to look at my negative thoughts and feelings. I try to observe what is going on in my head and my body without judging. I accept all those negative feelings. I love them. I am thankful for them, because I can learn from them. Then let go of them. Not forcing anything. But just tell those thoughts, thanks but you are not useful for me at the moment. You can go now;) When some of this negativity has left my body, I replace it by thinking of something positive or imagine positive and healing energy flowing into the space that was occupied by all those negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I write things down that I am thankful for. There is always something. It can be silly, and it can be trivial. But it can still get you off the negativity spiral and on the posirivity spiral.

While I feel happier on average since starting the happiness project, I also feel that the lower points have become more difficult. It is as if I've let go of some protective armour, and now the negative thoughts and bad feelings touch me at my innermost core. I think that part of it has to do with responsibility. Before, I was blaming people and situations for my unhappiness, probably more than I realized. Realizing that your happiness is 99% up to you and your attitude is empowering, but at the same time it can create a feeling of shame and blame. There is also added disappointment, when you are really working on your happiness, trying your best, but still fail at times...

But fortunately, I feel that I am also better equipped to deal with these low spirits today than I was before...

I am very curious to hear weather other people on the quest for a happier life have similar experiences with negative thoughts, and how they deal with them???

colors and precious moments

When I was living in the US I was impressed by the way most Americans seem to be able to talk about their strengths and talents without seeming arrogant or obnoxious. In Europe, I think, and in particular in the northern part, this isn't acceptable. The highest virtue is modesty, to the extend that you should never claim or believe that you are really good at anything.

So, breaking the rules of my upbringing, I want to tell you that I am really good with colors:) Like some people are with numbers. (Actually since I've started, I am not so bad with numbers either). I have always been interested in and fascinated by colors, and when I was a kid words and names had colors in my head. When I took a painting class a few years ago, the teacher constantly commented on my talent with colors. (And I scored perfectly on this test;)).

So, as someone who loves colors, I am really enjoying filling out the weekly planner in various ones. (The template for my weekly planner comes from the Positivity Project) ...Now I see my time in colors! In my schedule I have different colors for work time and family time, yellow represents appointments, and now bright aqua blue (perhaps I am not so good with the names of the colors...?) represents my precious, precious moments. In these hours I have planned things that will undoubtedly give me some really happy and meaningful moments in my week. Who says you can't plan and schedule your happiness...?

First: I just got home from a weekend getaway with a very good friend of mine. Whole 3 days of walking around the beautiful streets of Amsterdam with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Just chat,wine,chesse,coffee,food,museum,little bit of shopping...it was absolutely perfect.

Secondly: I finally scheduled massage/spa treatment using a gift card that I received more than a year ago. I think it is crazy that it has taken me more than a year to squeeze this into my schedule. But finally I did. And I am really really looking forward to it.

Lastly: I have scheduled "a cozy night" with my children. En hyggeaften as we say here in Denmark. The plan is to make pizza together and then watch Winnie the Pooh. Not very original or extravagant. But the key here is just to be present, and to enjoy the company of my wonderful children.

So much happiness in one week:):):) Life is good.

May: Impeccable Faith

hello! it's been a while...

Although I've continued to think about and work toward my goals in the last few weeks, it has been a little bit unfocused and disorganized. I am inherently a rather chaotic person, so I think that in some sense I needed a break from resolutions, goals, to-do lists, etc. But although I accept that I am a bit chaotic by nature, the chaos in my life has grown out of control, and I need to (and want to) continue my journey to a simpler and happier life...

So now I am back to blogging and making resolutions charts:)

May is the 12th month of my project. I am going to use this month to reduce the chaos, to find more peace and serenity in my life. I also want to focus on faith. For the next 30 days I am going to have faith that things are as they are supposed to be, I will let go of the need to control all things in my life. I'll to have faith in myself and in my abilities, and I am going to believe that I am able to reach the goals that I set for myself.

Instead of introducing new resolutions, I decided to look back, and focus on the resolutions that helped me finding peace and happiness in the last 11 months. So this month I will:

• go to bed before 10pm
• read
• meditate everyday
• do yoga everyday
• keep gratitude journal
• drink plenty of water and herbal tea
• keep my nightstand uncluttered
• have faith

I am happy to be back:)
luv, Di.

February: wrap up

The main goal of February was to love infinitely and unconditionally....my husband, family, friends, everyone...and maybe most importantly myself.

I focused on love, the heart chakra, thought about love, meditated on love...

During these last few months I've become much more aware of the self-talk that constantly goes on in my head. And it often amazes me that I've been living with this, often very negative voice, for so long without paying attention. Without challenging it.

By focusing on unconditional love, I realized how much self-hatred I've been carrying around. If someone had asked me a few monts ago whether I experienced self-hatred, I would have said no. I didn't realize, I wasn't aware. But although it subtle, this voice that constantly tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I can't do this, I don't deserve that....it has a big impact on who I am and what I do. I think that this voice of negativity is already getting weaker. But I still need to practice and strengthen my positive self talk.

I am learning and I am growing. I am 33, which somedays feels old, and other days feels young. I wish I had gone through my teens and 20s with more confidence, and that I had found more peace and balance earlier in life. But as Bikram puts it: "You're never too fat, you're never too old, never too sick; and, it's never too late to start...":)

Although I have been neglecting the blog, it is super important to me and my project. And I really LOVE reading the other "happiness" blogs. It is so unbelievably inspiring to read the stories of people who are on similar paths.

So I think it is appropriate to end the month of impeccable love by sending my love and gratitude to my readers, and fellow bloggers ♥

February: Impeccable Love

This month I am focusing on love and kindness.

Marriage: With two young children (I use them as an excuse for everything;)) it is easy to forget to nurture and take care of the relationship with your spouse. The goal for this month is more hugs, more kisses, more talking. Perhaps even a date.

Everyone: Love and accept everyone as they are. Put more love into all relationships, all interactions with other people, love unconditionally. Do random acts of kindness.

Myself: Love and accept myself as I am. As Ashley puts it: "Loving yourself is the key to loving others." This is something I've been working on for a while, and I know that I still need to put effort in here. I think that this list of "How to Love Yourself in 17 Ways" is a great inspiration.

January: wrap-up

January was a bit chaotic, and things did not always go as planned. But that's life, and when I look at my goals for January, I actually think that I did quite well.
I....

• made meditation part of my daily routine
• wrote in my journal almost every day
• read again about the 1st Habit in Covey's 7 habits, although I didn't and blog about it
• wrote a blog post on the Now Habit
• re-established my exercise routine, practicing yoga for 10-15 minutes every morning (including the wide-legged forward bend), and 2x a week I do longer workouts with push-ups, sit-ups etc.
• improved my diet. I tried one week of mindful eating which definitely helped me to eat better. My eating habits are far from perfect, I have a weakness for lattes and croissants....but I've been indulging less and less and instead I've been eating more fruits and veggies.

What is left is to define my health goals, and do more random acts of kindness. I am sure I will get to that at some point:)

Overall, I am very happy about the progress I made in January. I've been more proactive, and have become better at standing up for myself when needed. I have also been more present, more in the "now", than usual...and I believe that is one of the keys to live a happier, more meaningful life.

In February I am focusing on love, marriage and kindness:)

2013

Here is a list of some of the things that I want to do in 2013

• Meditate every weekday for at least 10 minutes
  
  
• Write in my journal every day
  
  
• Go through the steps in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play (use my journal, affirmations, and the meditation as tools)
  
  
• Half my debt, which is currently about 10.000 usd
  
  
• Read 10 novels, including Anna Karenina, The Idiot (Penguin Classics) and Ulysses
  
  
• Run 5k in less than 28 minutes
  
  
• Learn to do headstand
  
  
• Spend a day alone in a museum
  
  
• Draw portraits of my children
  
  
• Do Random Acts of Kindness every week
  
  
• Continue to grow and learn to dream BIG

I still want to focus on my impeccable year that I outlined last May. However I also want to make sure that I focus on the basics.

In January I will:

• Make meditation part of my daily routine
  
• Write in my journal every day
  
• Read again about the 1st Habit in Covey's 7 habits and blog about it
  
• Write at least 1 blog post on the Now Habit
  
• Do Random Acts of Kindness 4x

And as January is health month I will also:

• Re-establish my exercise routine
  
• Do yoga and focus on Wide-Legged Forward Bend
  
• Find two ways to improve my diet (any ideas??)
  
• Define my health goals

cheers, D

2012

In 2012 I completed a chapter, and started a new one. I finished my ph.d. and got a job. It was an end of an era. I learned so much in the last few years, and at times I really felt that I was pushed to my limits and way out of my comfort zone. I was also stressed and had no sense of peace or balance as many areas of my life and personality were heavily neglected. After I could close this chapter, I really felt that I needed to reinvent myself. I needed to work on myself, my happiness, my habits and attitudes, and I needed to find better balance in my life. So I started my happiness project and I started blogging.

I've already learned a lot, and although the progress has often been slower than I would have liked, I feel like I took the most important step...that is the first step.

The Yogi Tea Quote above says "Wisdom becomes knowledge when it is personal experience". I feel like that in 2012 I have perhaps become a tiny bit wiser;) I understand better what it means that happiness comes from within, that people make their own reality, and that anything is possible. On the other hand, while anything is possible - not everything is possible at the same time. And while our personality is perhaps more malleable than many would like to believe, changing your attitudes and habits is not easy. It takes time and effort. Persistence and resilience are very valuable personal traits, and I feel like I managed to strengthen these characteristics a bit in the last 6 months.

Now I am thinking about the year ahead, what I want to accomplish. I am sure that 2013 will be an amazing year where I will find more balance and grow a lot as a person:)

Happy new year to you lovely people who visit my blog. You mean a lot to me. May 2013 be the best year ever for all of you.

/D

self-care

It's been a while.

The last few weeks I've been exhausted, overwhelmed, borderline depressed...which is disappointing considering the effort I've been putting into being happier, stronger and more positive.

But on the other hand, that happiness effort definitely helped me to deal with myself and to stop this downward spiral that I was experiencing.

Depleted, drained, exhausted, empty are words that describe how I've been feeling within. This also means that I've been vulnerable, sensitive, reactive, irritated and impatient.

At a certain point I realized that I would not only be doing myself a favor, but everyone around me as well, if I took some time where I made it my priority to take care of myself.

I went back to my journal and wrote a lot, I looked for things to be thankful for in my life, work, relationships, etc. I sought inspiration in some of the happiness and self-help books I've been reading the last few months. I've been trying to get more sleep, to take vitamins every day, to eat healthier, to meditate, to do a few minutes of yoga every morning and to exercise 3 times a week. I've taken some time to relax, just be and read.

Gradually I feel like I am getting myself together...

I'm more hopeful, and more positive at the moment. It's not a happy post, but I wanted to share this, because I think it is common and in some sense normal to get hit by minor depressions. And I think it is important to remind myself and others, that it's okay to be selfish once in a while...and that sometimes the most important thing you do is to refuel and take care of yourself.

November: back to basics

November is the sixth month of my impeccable project. I feel like now is the time to sit down, take a breath and evaluate the progress I've made so far. I want to use this month to reestablish and reinforce some of my earlier resolutions. Moreover, I want to take time to finish some unfinished projects...making space for new, more exciting ones:)

For the last couple of months I also feel like my resolution charts have grown out of control, and I have been slacking on some of my more important habits, such as my meditation practice, my gratitude journal and I've also found it difficult to find the time to sit down and write posts for this blog. However, these resolutions are the foundation to my project. The feeling of balance and happiness that comes with meditating and focusing on gratitude is truly amazing. And this blog has been so valuable to me. Writing the posts helps to keep me on track, but more importantly it has given me the opportunity to interact with and get inspiration from other bloggers on a similar journey. So...

Resolutions that I want to reiterate this month:

• meditate
• write in my gratitude jorunal
• blog at least 2x a week
• be present
• bring lunch to work (healthier and saves money)
• be proactive: focus on voice, posture, and excuses

Tasks that I want to finish in November:

• empty my email inboxes (there are currently 3756 emails that need to be processed)
• finish the blanket I'm knitting
• Christmas presents (part of my impeccable time/stop doing things last minute resolution;))

Looking back:

• June *Mind and Positivity*: In June I started meditating, writing in my gratitude journal, exercising on regular basis, and I also started this blog. I focused on happiness, and read several books on the topic. This month really was a success, and a great way to start the project. I think of this as the basis for everything, and want to continue focusing as much as I can on positivity and happiness. In the last couple of months I have been slacking in this area, and it is very important to me to get back on track...
• July *Home*: In July I focused on my home, both the apartment we live in, but also on getting to know Copenhagen a little bit better. I bought flowers, lit candles, made the bed every day, decluttered...and walked a lot arount the city. Many of the habits from this month have really stuck. I wish I was better at keeping the clutter away...but there is definitely an improvement. After some delays, I painted my children's room, and gave away four or five boxes of toys. That room looks so much better now, and the children are actually much better at playing in their room now when they have fewer toys:)
• August *Family*: This month was really important to me, as I worked on my relationship with my children. To lighten up, be more patient, be better at talking and listening. This was super successful, and our communications have really transformed. This alone has made the project worthwhile:)
• September *Work*: I wanted to use September to decrease stress, and to become more organized at work. This was not a very successful month. But hopefully some of the work I did that month will prove to be useful for progressing in the future.
• October *Time and Money*: Unfortunately I did not address my money issues at all that month. I did continue working on my relationship with time, and made some improvements. But apparently this is not an easy task for me...so this will continue to be on my agenda. In October, I also started reading the 7 habits of highly effective people. The first habit is to be more proactive, and I have been working on that with some success. That alone makes me feel like I achieved something of imporatance in October:)

Looking forward:

I've rearranged the rest of my project a bit and now the calander looks like this:
• December: Impeccable Fun and Friendship - be there, reach out, lighten up and have fun
• January: Impeccable Health and Beauty - find ways to treat myself and my body better and with more respect
• February: Impeccable Love and Marriage - be kind, have fun, love infinitely and unconditionally
• March: Impeccable Passion and Meaning - Find my passion, work on independence, and "being me", make time time for what is important
• April: Environment and Nature - find ways to enjoy nature and be kinder to the environment
• May: Bootcamp Impeccable

luv, Di.

beauty

I've been neglecting my blog - which I am not happy about. But hopefully I'll be able to give more time to it now.

This post is a super short one. Have a wonderful wonderful weekend, and check out this awesome video:

ProActivity

"The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference between night and day. I'm not talking about a 25 to 50 percent difference in effectiveness; I'm talking about 5000-plus percent difference, particularly if they are smart, aware, and sensitive to others."
-Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

One of my resolutions this month is to be more proactive, less reactive. This means thinking more about what I need, what I want, what I think. And work from there. Instead of primarily responding to external factors, other people's needs, other people's wants and other people's thoughts. Of course this does not mean that I want to be selfish and self-centered...

There was a little story in Covey's book about his daughter who had a birthday party, and didn't want to let the other kids at the party play with her gifts. While the author says he was quite upset about her behavior, he goes on to saying that perhaps she didn't want to share those toys because she hadn't had the opportunity to feel her ownership over them. And how can you share something that is not yours? I've thought about this story a lot, and how I think it relates to people's codependent behavior. Many people are constantly trying to be nice, trying to please others, trying to think about other people's needs and wants, but end up feeling frustrated and unappreciated. But this is the key. To have something to give, to be able to take care of others, we first need to feel the ownership, i.e. feel that we have something to give. We need to take care of ourselves, and then I believe, taking care of others comes very naturally to us. If we are proactive, we will not feel like other people are taking advantage, or that we are doing things just because we think that we should. We will make better decisions about when it is right to accommodate others and when it isn't. And being nice and helpful makes us feel happy, not powerless or depleted.

As with regards to time and schedule, it can be quite easy to fall into reactive mode, when life is busy and there are constant outside demands. Tasks that are urgent, but perhaps not very important for your values or long time goals, can take up most of your time. On the other hand, there are many things that are important to your values, goals and happiness, but are not exactly urgent, and hence sometimes time disappears without you doing a single thing that is REALLY important to you. The happiness project as a whole is to me a tool to deal with that. The resolution charts are making me accountable to myself, in doing things on daily basis that are consistent with my goals and values.

As I have focused on my thoughts, feelings and language in the last few days I have realized that whenever I am feeling frustrated, anxious, stressed, or angry, I am being reactive. I am making myself a victim to circumstances, to the environment and to other people's behavior. To give myself a little pat on the back...I've also realize that I have made an amazing progress in the last few months. While I still have some way to go, I can already see that I am going in the right direction and that I am not nearly as reactive in my thoughts and language as I was just 4 months ago!

I feel like I am taking a big step:) And in the next few weeks, I am going to substitute more of the I should, I must, I have to, I can't, by I can, I will, I prefer, I choose

luv,D.

The Anger Eating Demon

Here is a little story that I heard some time ago, supposedly first told by Buddha himself:

Once upon a time there was a wise king who had to leave his palace for a business trip. During the king's absence, a demon (asura) arrived, walked right into the palace and sat down on the king’s throne. Upon seeing this, the guards became afraid, but soon their fear was replaced by anger and they started shouting, "Get out of the throne, how dare you sit on the throne of our ruler? who do you think you are!" As the guards became angrier and angrier, the demon grew taller, stronger and more powerful. This continued with each insult and with each threat coming from the guards, until the demon had become so huge, he took up most of the room.

When the king returned and saw this enormous demon in his throne, he knew immediately what to do. He entered the throne room and said, "Welcome friend! How nice of you to visit me! Has anyone offered you something to eat yet? Would you like something to drink?" With the king's friendly words the demon started shrinking. And with each kind word and kind gesture it became smaller and smaller. The king continued until the demon disappeared completely, and the king was able to retake his throne.

(I've found several versions of this story, and this is how I remember hearing it. But you can read the "original" here).

When I first heard the story, I understood the message to be that we should respond to anger with kindness, but at the time I was thinking about other people's anger. When I was writing my last post, this story came back to me, and I saw that there is another way of interpreting this story. Perhaps the story is not only about other people's anger, but also about your own anger and inner demons. When you ignore or resist your demons they grow bigger, stronger and more powerful. But when you address your demons, acknowledge them, name them and embrace them...they start to shrink and to loose their power. Until at some point they dissolve and disappear completely.

More on Stress. And on Practicing the Opposite.

I don’t buy magazines often these days, and when I do they tend to be either fashion - or interior design magazines. But yesterday I was at the airport waiting for a delayed flight so I decided to visit the airport bookstore. I wanted to try something new so I grabbed a copy of the Yoga Journal. If I'd had a highlighter I think I might have highlighted the whole magazine – it’s just so in line with what I have been thinking lately. Perhaps it is true what some say, that when you are open, you’ll find that the answers you need are right in front of you….:)

In particular, there was a wonderful article titled "Untangling Anxiety" - written by Sally Kempton, a teacher of meditation and yoga philosophy.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

Anxiety can be a powerful teacher. It can show you were you’re hiding stress or holding unprocessed emotions. It might even remind you that there’s something you need to take care of. Most important, anxiety often signals the need for growth or for some inner shift.

It’s only when you are willing to bring consciousness to your anxiety – to pay attention to the bodily sensations it brings, the thoughts that go along with it, and the situations that trigger it – that you can begin to learn from it.

…many of us tent to confuse anxiety with diligence and believe that our anxiety helps keep us safe.

One day, perhaps, you might notice that what you have perceived as anxiety is, at its core, just pure energy. This energy can be experienced as anxiety, but it can also be experienced as excitement or a feeling of being keyed up and ready for action. It can signal the necessary tension, the inner fire, that accompanies growth.

The more you can be present with that tension and work with it-even, at times, allowing it to be there without resisting it-the more your anxiety can melt into its essence.

All of our energies, even the negative ones that can be so painful and limiting, have at their core the pure energy of life.

As we resolve the issues that lock anxiety into the body and as we release the emotions and mental habits that create so much of our suffering, something radical happens. These primal negative emotions, centered in the amygdala and brainstem, start to show us their other face. They point us to the energy that yoga calls shakti-the leaping, dancing energy that can make any moment a creative moment and any experience a potential doorway to joy.

In the article the authors talks about six steps to ease anxiety (or any negative feeling you might experience):

1. Body: where is tension showing up in the body?
2. Heart: Focus on the heart, the breath and energy coming in and out of your chest.
3. Question: What about my situation is contributing to the anxiety?
4. Thoughts: Bring awareness to the thoughts running through your mind, ask yourself: can I let go of that?
5. Feelings: Tune into your emotions, and name your feelings.
6. Opposite: Summon up a feeling of warmth and pleasure. Bring something good to your heart. The Yoga Sutra calls this pratipaksha bhavana, or “practicing the opposite”- countering a negative feeling with a positive one.

Cliches are clichés for a reason, and reading on spirituality and self-help you often come across the same ideas again and again. I was happy to see how the message in this article lined up with the parenting book I am currently reading (How to Talks so Kids Will Listen...And Listen so Kids Will Talk). The book recommends dealing with your children's negative feelings in the following steps: 1. Listen, 2. Acknowledge (I can understand you’re upset that I forgot your favorite doll at home), 3. Name the Feeling (You must really miss her, I know how much you care for that doll), 4. Fantasy (Should we put on our fairy wings, fly home and get your doll???).

It's funny how I wasn't sure about that last step, until I read the article on anxiety. Then it totally made sense. Practicing the Opposite, countering negative feeling with a positive one. I love that!

I now have a post-it sticker on my desk that says: 1. body, 2. heart, 3. question, 4. thoughts, 5. feelings, 6. opposite. I also have a post it sticker at home that says: 1. Listen, 2. Acknowledge, 3. Name, 4. Fantasy. I'll be practicing this for the next couple of days, to see how it works:)

stress

“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness”
-Richard Carlson

One way to deal with stress is to try to eliminate the causes, such as leaving things until last minute, over-committing, letting clutter and to do lists get out of control. The problem with this approach is twofold. First, no matter how much you try to control things there will always be (potentially) stressful situations that arise. Secondly, it may cause you to back away from challenges and you may consequently end up stuck in a very small comfort zone.

Although I want to use this month to work on some of the bad habits that have caused stressful situations in the past...It is more important to me to realize that stress is internal, and when I manage to be present/mindful being stressed (or rather not being stressed) becomes a choice.

It feels a bit careless not to stress about the still unprepared lecture that I'll need to give in a couple of days....but getting stressed out really has NO benefits that I can think of. It is unhealthy for mind and body. It makes me really cranky, and it actually makes me unproductive-because when I am stressed I can't focus and constantly move from one thing to the next.

My challenge now is to take a deep breath every time I feel stress bubbling up - and ask myself: What is it that I am stressed about? What needs to be done? If I can, I'll do what needs to be done. If I can't, I'll just let go of the stress and anxiety that I am feeling. Focus on being relaxed, present and mindful. Less stress, more zen.

codependence

The following is list of behavioral patterns that have caused me problems and pain in the past:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
• I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
• I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
• I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
• I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
• I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

These are taken from the list "Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence." The list is quite comprehensive and I am sure most people can probably recognize themselves somewhere on the list.

Whether I am - or am not - technically defined as a codependent person, and where the causes for these patterns lie, is not really important to me. What is important to me now is to deal with these patterns.

I knew before my happiness project started, that low self-esteem was a problem. But it is really just now, as I've become more mindful of my thoughts, behavior and feelings, that I've realized how big the problem is, and how much it affects my everyday life.

So now is the time to change, time to grow, time to become happier and stronger....

August: wrap-up

August was family month. I took a two-week-vacation and completely abondened my routine during that time. Consequently I did not do super-well on my resolutions. On the other hand, the main goal of the month was to have more quality time with my family, enjoy being with my kids, be more patient and have more fun. And in that sense, I think this month was a succesful one.

The Resolutions
I was really happy to discover that it almost took no effort for me to watch my voice and avoid losing my temper at home. This would not have been the case a few months ago!

I did spend a lot of quality time with my children, I sat down and played with them, and took some time to sing and dance and be silly with them.

I did take many many photos.

I did not manage to establish a morning routine, I forgot the vitamins almost every day, and I did not teach them much.

The Tasks
I read the Power of Now, and I am half-way through the parenting handbook: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Both books are awesome. It is almost ridiculous how many self-help books I've read in the last couple of months. It is actually quite addictive:) But I definitely feel like I have learned a lot!

I made phone-calls to my family.

I thought about my pleasures of childhood: Playing outside! When you are a kid, there is no such thing as bad wheather. Windy, snowy, rainy, sunny....it's all equally wonderful. And being outside in nature. And then having some hot chocolate and toast after a long day outside. Playing cards with my grandmother. Making shows (singing and dancing) with my sister. Drawing, Painting, Reading. Going to the library.

I made some kind of a family mission statement: I want my home to ba sacred place, and a happy place, for all four of us. We are one, we respect one another, and we care about each other's happiness and well-being. I want to teach my children to have respect for themselves, and respect for others. I want to help them to become independent and confident individuals. I want them to be happy and at peace.

Other tasks did not get done this time. Perhaps later:)

The theme of September is Impeccable Work. I'll post about my goals for this month in the next couple of days.

Di.

my cave

When I began meditating every day I started to dream more, or perhaps I became better at remembering my dreams as I woke up. There are two things that repeatedly appear in my dreams; water and animals.

My amateurish interpretation based on those dreams, is that (for me) water represents my subconscious feelings, and animals symbolize obstacles and hindrances.

In a dream that I had about the same time as I was starting my Happiness Project, I found myself lying on a floor of a dark cave. The cave had three openings, in each opening there was a sleeping grizzly bear. Behind the bears I could see the bright blue sky, the sun, the grass...

My first thought in the dream was why I had been left in this cave, why I had to deal with this alone. How was I possibly going to get out of this situation without any help. Then I realized that the openings were quite big, and as long as I could slowly and quietly stand up, i.e. without waking up the bears, I would be able to escape.

Then I woke up.

It occurred to me later that the happiness project was about "standing up". Or at least that the first step in my project should be to about standing up; becoming stronger, more positive and more self confident. This entails working on my codependency issues. It means that I need to take better care of my self, and have more respect for myself. It means I need to accept what is, and take responsibility for what is not right in my life. It means getting rid of all the clutter, mental as well as physical. This is all gradually happening. But there is still work to do.

As I am prioritizing my tasks and resolutions for my happiness project, I am keeping this in mind. My job now is to prepare, to get ready, to make space for new goals, bigger dreams, and more happiness.

And I am excited to see what happens as I make my escape.

being here & now

Being here and now sounds so simple. Yet it is so difficult for most of us. Our mind is constantly dragging us into our past and into our future. It is making up scenarios and stories. It is obscuring the present with all these thoughts, 90% of which may be completely useless, even harmful.

The main message in Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is that we are NOT our minds. Our mind is a tool, a great tool when used wisely. But a tool that should not consume us, and not take us over completely. The mind keeps us from the present, and being present, being in the NOW is the key to enlightenment.

One of the main goals of meditating is exactly to regain the power of our minds. To be able to turn it off for a moment and experience our inner being. And in doing so, it strengthens our core, our true self, so gradually our true self doesn't get blocked out as much by our egoistic mind.

And while meditation is great, and a wonderful instrument, the ultimate goal is to find the stillness, the peace, the wisdom that you experience during meditation, in every moment of your life. We should be able to experience this whether we are working, exercising, talking, walking...but it is a muscle that needs to be trained. Tolle describes the ability to be fully in the Now as almost a shortcut to enlightenment, as it is all that you need, and it is always available to you. The problem of course is that embracing the moment is quite difficult for most people - and it takes practice.

how to be in the now?

• Meditate. I think meditation is a great first step. If you meditate regularly, even for just a few minutes every day, you will experience the peace that comes with a quiet mind - and hence you know what you are looking for in the Now.
• Watch your mind. Don't fight it, but observe it. Observe your thoughts, your negative or positive self-talk. Your stories. This is so unbelievably eye-opening.
• Exercise. Some people find inner peace when they are exercising. Perhaps if you are pushing yourself to the limit, you are forced into the Now, forced to turn off your uncontrollable mind for the time being. My own experience is quite the opposite. When I exercise, my mind is usually unstoppable. I can't stop thinking about how much I loathe exercising, how I would rather be at home drinking coffee, eating pastries and listening to Tom Waits records, how I can't go on for freakin' 10 more minutes, etc. etc. But these days as I go for a run, I try to shut my brain down. I focus on the now. Put on my running shoes, turn on my ipod, just start running. Then (and here it gets more difficult for me) as I am running, I try to focus only on the now, my breathing, my surroundings, my body, my music. Just observing, not judging.
• Listen to others. I really want to be able to listen to others fully and completely. Not be occupied with what I will say when it is my turn to talk. But just be present and listen with my whole body.
• Listen to yourself. I think it is also valuable to listen to your own voice. Any negativity, resistance, and worries that go through your mind - can be heard in your voice if you listen carefully. Stay with your voice and learn from it.
• Feel your inner body. Tolle emphasizes this in his book, and this truly leads to an amazing feeling. And an amazing realization when you discover how disconnected from your body you are most of the time. Focus on the inside, on your feelings and what happens inside your body as you get stressed, as you become joyful, anxious, excited...Feel your whole body whatever you are doing. Do this while you meditate, and then try it as you walk, as you listen, as you exercise, as you eat. Amazing.

The Power of Now is perhaps not a book for everyone. Maybe you need to be fluffy enough to enjoy it:) And at times I found the tone of the book to be slightly arrogant. But nevertheless I would recommend it for anyone who is looking for an inspiration to become more aware, more present, more in the Now. Below are a few quotes from the book that I found worth highlighting:

A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, which is the opposite of the truth.

Do what you have to do. In the meantime, accept what is.

The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life. Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the Now, have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to the past and future...

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you can find the life underneath your life situation.

It is true that only an unconscious person will try to use or manipulate others, but it is equally true that only an unconscious person can be used and manipulated.

As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out of present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.

The moment your attention turns to the Now, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don't look to it for salvation.

Negativity is never the optimum way of dealing with any situation.

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is.

If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear.

You can improve your life situation, but you cannot improve your life. Life is primary. Life is your deepest inner Being. It is already whole, complete, perfect.

The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That's all there ever is.

August: Impeccable Family

Be present, treasure the moment, let out your inner child

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."
-Albert Einstein

In August I want to focus on family and parenting. I am so happy that my project has already helped a lot when it comes to doing a better job as a mom. I can see how, as I have become a happier person myself, my kids have become happier and more balanced. There are less tantrums (on both sides) and much more joy. This was one of the fundamental reasons that I wanted to do a happiness project. Hence I am truly grateful to see these positive effects, after just 2 months.

Of course there is still plenty of room for improvement. I want to have more fun with my kids, be more present for them, treasure the time that I have with them, make sure that I treat them with the same respect as I treat adults, and help them to grow up to be happy, strong, confident and independent individuals.

I am also going to use this month to reach out to my parents, siblings, and in-laws. For example by calling them and sending them pictures and news of the kids.

My August Resolutions

• play and be silly
• watch my tone
• no snapping
• talk with my children
• teach them something new
• sing and dance
• establish a family morning routine
• teach my daughter to tidy up her room before she goes to sleep
• take more photos

My August Tasks

• This month's reading list: "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child)", "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment", plus a couple of H.C. Andersen's Fairy Tales.
• Think about my pleasures of childhood
• Call my mom, dad, siblings, and in-laws
• Send photos and a "newsletter" to closest family
• Make a list of old and new family traditions
• Paint the kids' room
• Frame and hang up kids' art and family photos
• Create a "family mission statement"
• Read about home-schooling and un-schooling
• Organize the memorabilia: write in my children's diaries, put photos in "my son's first photo album", find better ways to organize and store their and my own memorabilia.

Happy month of August!