codependence

The following is list of behavioral patterns that have caused me problems and pain in the past:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
• I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
• I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
• I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
• I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
• I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

These are taken from the list "Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence." The list is quite comprehensive and I am sure most people can probably recognize themselves somewhere on the list.

Whether I am - or am not - technically defined as a codependent person, and where the causes for these patterns lie, is not really important to me. What is important to me now is to deal with these patterns.

I knew before my happiness project started, that low self-esteem was a problem. But it is really just now, as I've become more mindful of my thoughts, behavior and feelings, that I've realized how big the problem is, and how much it affects my everyday life.

So now is the time to change, time to grow, time to become happier and stronger....